First off, don’t think I am a hater. There are few people on the face of the planet that have watched more cumulative hours of the Food Network than me. And this is over the span of at least 15 years, maybe more. From the days when Emeril was subdued, there were “Two Hot Tamales” and their thicker, more formidable counterparts “Two Fat Ladies.” I watched Food Network to the point it drove people around me nuts and still does, but to a much lesser extent. What I immediately connected with all those years ago was cooking. It wasn’t a place for me to get supercharged cooking competitions, angry judges randomly berating contestants and I never, ever saw a cake decorating competition. Ever. And I liked it that way.
Back in the day, the food network offered me shows that showed me how to cook new things. That taught me what ‘the trinity’ and a chiffonade was. I learned how to get more juice out of a lemon (30 seconds in the microwave or rolling it on the counter) and I learned not to overmix meatloaf for fear you will dry it out and make it tough. I learned to wipe off mushrooms instead of submerge them in water and I learned to soak greens in the sink to get the sand and dirt out. I learned you can sear a steak on the stove and finish it off in the oven for a perfect medium rare with a great crust and I learned you never, ever rub your eyes after chopping up a jalapeno. Heck, they even had Sara Moulton handling my business real time! I could call her LIVE and ask her questions that she would answer while she cooked! Some of these things may seem elementary to most but to me, as a child of someone who didn’t cook much growing up, it was a culinary school of sorts.
In the Survivor age of reality TV, the networks think that everyone wants a drama and confrontation laden viewing experience. I want excitement! I need friction! I need sweat, running, yelling and fear! Ok, maybe on Jersey Shore or Amazing Race but not on the Food Network. Cooking for me is something enjoyable. Something calming, a journey that teaches me, delights my senses and fills my belly. I don’t compete against my significant other running like a crazy person around the kitchen to see who can concoct the best dish in the shortest time for a panel of judges in the living room. I often take my time, add and delete ingredients at will in each incarnation of the dish, exploring, tasting, drinking wine and more importantly – relaxing. Which is anything but what the Food Network has become these days.
Maybe I am a purist, maybe I am naive, but I think the Food Network has seriously veered away from the fundamentals of what propelled it to a maker of culinary stars, an everyday staple in people’s homes and a revolutionizer of the average American cook. Stick to the 30 Minute Meals, the Essence of Emeril (NOT Emeril live), Everyday Italian and maybe bring back those two hot gals, the Tamales. Whatever you do Food Network, please take a look at the 5 things that have made me stop watching the channel that was such a huge part of my viewing habits for so long.
1. Cake – The 20 competitive cake making and decorating competitions you show every weekend are not interesting. It isn’t even about cooking or food for that matter. These don’t even get eaten. Please save this for the Pastry Channel.
2. Blood, Sweat and Tears – Aside from Iron Chef America, which holds a dear place in my heart due to the original, I don’t want to see chefs and their judges chopping their knuckles off, crying, fighting or otherwise demonstrating their bad behavior in front of me. I want to see delicious meals being prepared by capable people in a way that is informative, interesting and makes my mouth water. Chop Chopped, or have it be a real competition and not about snarky judges berating sassy chefs.
3. Gimmicks – The World’s Worst Cooks. Really? You know Food Network, this might be something I might even enjoy watching. Real people who struggle in the kitchen working their way towards a life of more than boiling water with the competent professional tutelage of the Food Network chefs. But there you go with that fake and false drama a la Survivor again. To see someone in a terror over the fact they burned onions during a cooking challenge and hear them ramble on about it in a panic for 5 minutes? And you can tell they don’t even mean it? I have better ways to spend my evening.
4. Game Shows – No one wants to see Chef vs. City. What are the ratings on this show, really? You fly two ego-maniacal chefs from city to city to compete on an obstacle course that has little or nothing to do with actual cooking? Eating chocolates until they puke to find the next ‘clue?’ Putting frosting on a huge and way too heavy cake that is pre-made just to carry it to a roof as fast as you can? What does this really have to do with cooking. Or food even? Not one thing.
5. The Missing Link – Last but not least what is missing from the food network is….food. I think the network execs could stand to work a little harder to get to the bottom of why the network became such a huge success in the first place. Not reality chef contests, not falsified nail biting food competitions and surely not 13 hours of cake decorating every Saturday. COOKING got the Food Network where it is now. Recipes, techniques, tips, tricks and expert advice on how real people can cook better, more interesting meals in their homes everyday.
I really hope that one day the Food Network can find its way back home to the recipe that made it irresistible in the first place. Then maybe I can find my way back home, too.
